Final Words

It's been over two months since I last posted something on this blog, and it's about time to wrap this thing up. So, here goes.

To start, check out a map of the trip. It all came and went very quickly, but this helps to remind me of how many places I went and saw:

Now, let's sum the trip up in numbers.

1: number of road trips
1: number of jobs lost
1: number of jobs gained
1: number of giant, bloody elk carcasses in my lane while going 80 mph
2: number of times I was nearly killed by a truck
3: number of giant truck tires in the middle of my lane while going 80 mph
3: number of times I was rained on while camping
4: number of nights in a hotel
6: total number of near deaths on the road
16: number of dojo visited
17: number of nights spent camping
18: number of homes that were generously opened up to me
20: number of pounds lost
20: number of pounds gained back
32: approximate gas mileage for the duration of the trip
57: number of destinations along the way
1,800: approximate number of dollars spent on gas
20,000: approximate number of miles driven


Craziness. Finally, let's sum this thing up with a few words.

First of all, I was struck by the incredible generosity and hospitality I encountered along the way. Everywhere I went, I was greeted with open arms, an open door, and a wide-open refrigerator. This was from family and old friends, and also from people whom I had never met before. My everlasting thanks go out to all of them; I now expect a steady stream of house crashers as payback.

Next, I can say a whole lot about how I discovered myself on the road, and how this changed my life, and gave me a new perspective, and blah blah blah. All of that did happen to some degree, but none of you guys really want to hear me blab on about it. Instead, I'll just say that experience is the best teacher, and I'll close this blog the way I started it. Happy travels!

Livermore, CA

On January 21, Doctor Vagabond made the big move from Tempe, AZ to Livermore, CA. He was aided in his move by his girlfriend, Mistress Vagabond. The drive from Tempe to Livermore is about 700 miles, and takes about 12 hours. That would be bad enough, but Southern California decided that this day would be a good one to have its biggest rainstorm in the past 50 years*. So, it was 12 hours of this:

And this**:

For those of you into math, here's a nifty equation:
U-Haul truck + snow in the mountains east of Bakersfield = good times.

Anyway, we made it to Livermore eventually, and enjoyed the luxuriousness of my ridiculously square living room***:

Anyway, this seems to be the end of my trip. I'll include one more post to wrap everything up, and that will be it!

* This may or may not be true.
** I'm not picking my nose, I'm scratching the side of my nose. Seriously.
*** It is really hard to arrange furniture in a perfectly square room. Try it some time.

Heart Attack Grill, Chandler, AZ

Over the past 7 months, if my eating habits could be summed up in one word, what do you think that word would be?

Meat.

For whatever reason, wherever I went, my hosts filled me with all varieties of steaks, ribs, roasts, chops, burgers, shanks, slanks, and slonks. Now, I'm not complaining at all; the hospitality I've received on this trip has been incredible. But still -- lots of meat.

It seems fitting then, that I should top off my road trip with a visit to the Heart Attack Grill, located in beautiful Chandler, AZ. The Heart Attack Grill has four burgers on its menu: the Single Bypass Burger, the Double Bypass Burger, the Triple Bypass Burger, and ... you guessed it, the Quadruple Bypass Burger. The Quadruple Bypass contains 4 one-half pound patties, 4 slices of American cheese, and a bun that has been dipped in lard, for a grand total of 8000 calories. Mmmm, look at that glistening bun:

When I moved to Arizona, I told myself that I would not leave the state until I accomplished four things: climb Humphreys Peak (check), visit the Grand Canyon (check), visit the Titan Missile Museum (check), and eat a Quadruple Bypass Burger. So, here goes...

To share in the experience, I brought along my Crazy Russian Ex-Roommate, Victor. He went for the Double Bypass. When I ordered the Quadruple Bypass, the waitress gave me a skeptical look and said, "Well, good luck with that." Apparently I looked too skinny. Of course, that only served to strengthen my resolve.

I won't go into the gory details, but I'll just say that eating that burger was probably the most disgusting thing I have ever done. On the other hand, it was also immensely gratifying. Check out my look of simultaneous pride and shame:

I think Victor put it best when he shook his head and sighed, "Only in America..."

In any case, I did it. I proved the waitress wrong, and I didn't have to eat again for a couple days. Booya!

California Craziness

Ok, let's run down the past few days.

Wednesday, January 13: Rich, Zac, and I drove from Tempe to LA in order to go snowboarding at Big Bear. We stayed in a seedy motel just off the I-10 in Redlands.

Thursday, January 14: Rich, Zac, and I went snowboarding/skiing. The weather was beautiful, but the slopes were incredibly icy. At the end of the day I got cocky and started flying off of jumps, and eventually I flew off the trail, down a hill and landed on a couple boulders. Fortunately, my snowboard took 75% of the impact. Unfortunately, my snowboard took 75% of the impact.

Friday, January 15: I left LA at 3am in order to drive up to Livermore and sign the lease for my apartment. I made it there at exactly 9am, signed the lease, and drove down to Krisi's place. From there, I rode with her back down to Bakersfield for a Kokondo seminar.

Saturday, January 16: Kokondo seminar.

Sunday, January 17: More Kokondo seminar, then I rode with Rich and Zac all the way back to Tempe, so that I could rent a truck and move the rest of my stuff to Livermore.

For those keeping score at home, out of those approximately 100 hours, 24 were spent driving. Now I feel like a burger...

Tempe, AZ

In the month since returning to Tempe from Livermore, here is what I have done:

- Sit on the couch
- Surf the internet
- Get a job offer*
- Sit on the couch
- Sit on the couch
- Go snowboarding a couple times
- Sit on the couch
- Play Santa at Christmas with my relatives
- Get an apartment in Livermore
- More sitting (yup, I'm making the most of my final days of freedom)

* This is no joke; at the age of 31 years, 3 months, and 12 days I will finally enter the working world.