Heart Attack Grill, Chandler, AZ

Over the past 7 months, if my eating habits could be summed up in one word, what do you think that word would be?

Meat.

For whatever reason, wherever I went, my hosts filled me with all varieties of steaks, ribs, roasts, chops, burgers, shanks, slanks, and slonks. Now, I'm not complaining at all; the hospitality I've received on this trip has been incredible. But still -- lots of meat.

It seems fitting then, that I should top off my road trip with a visit to the Heart Attack Grill, located in beautiful Chandler, AZ. The Heart Attack Grill has four burgers on its menu: the Single Bypass Burger, the Double Bypass Burger, the Triple Bypass Burger, and ... you guessed it, the Quadruple Bypass Burger. The Quadruple Bypass contains 4 one-half pound patties, 4 slices of American cheese, and a bun that has been dipped in lard, for a grand total of 8000 calories. Mmmm, look at that glistening bun:

When I moved to Arizona, I told myself that I would not leave the state until I accomplished four things: climb Humphreys Peak (check), visit the Grand Canyon (check), visit the Titan Missile Museum (check), and eat a Quadruple Bypass Burger. So, here goes...

To share in the experience, I brought along my Crazy Russian Ex-Roommate, Victor. He went for the Double Bypass. When I ordered the Quadruple Bypass, the waitress gave me a skeptical look and said, "Well, good luck with that." Apparently I looked too skinny. Of course, that only served to strengthen my resolve.

I won't go into the gory details, but I'll just say that eating that burger was probably the most disgusting thing I have ever done. On the other hand, it was also immensely gratifying. Check out my look of simultaneous pride and shame:

I think Victor put it best when he shook his head and sighed, "Only in America..."

In any case, I did it. I proved the waitress wrong, and I didn't have to eat again for a couple days. Booya!

California Craziness

Ok, let's run down the past few days.

Wednesday, January 13: Rich, Zac, and I drove from Tempe to LA in order to go snowboarding at Big Bear. We stayed in a seedy motel just off the I-10 in Redlands.

Thursday, January 14: Rich, Zac, and I went snowboarding/skiing. The weather was beautiful, but the slopes were incredibly icy. At the end of the day I got cocky and started flying off of jumps, and eventually I flew off the trail, down a hill and landed on a couple boulders. Fortunately, my snowboard took 75% of the impact. Unfortunately, my snowboard took 75% of the impact.

Friday, January 15: I left LA at 3am in order to drive up to Livermore and sign the lease for my apartment. I made it there at exactly 9am, signed the lease, and drove down to Krisi's place. From there, I rode with her back down to Bakersfield for a Kokondo seminar.

Saturday, January 16: Kokondo seminar.

Sunday, January 17: More Kokondo seminar, then I rode with Rich and Zac all the way back to Tempe, so that I could rent a truck and move the rest of my stuff to Livermore.

For those keeping score at home, out of those approximately 100 hours, 24 were spent driving. Now I feel like a burger...

Tempe, AZ

In the month since returning to Tempe from Livermore, here is what I have done:

- Sit on the couch
- Surf the internet
- Get a job offer*
- Sit on the couch
- Sit on the couch
- Go snowboarding a couple times
- Sit on the couch
- Play Santa at Christmas with my relatives
- Get an apartment in Livermore
- More sitting (yup, I'm making the most of my final days of freedom)

* This is no joke; at the age of 31 years, 3 months, and 12 days I will finally enter the working world.

Livermore, CA

After spending a couple days in Tempe, I flew to Livermore, CA for an interview with Sandia National Laboratories. Before interviewing, I practiced my best schmoozing techniques.

The interview itself was grueling, but went quite well. I gave an hour-long seminar, followed by 10 one-on-one meetings throughout the day. The toughest part was dusting off my brain after 7 months of inactivity.

Cedar City, UT

On December 8 I began the 2-day drive from Boise back to Tempe. I stopped off in Cedar City, UT the first night. When I woke up, the temperature was 1 degree Fahrenheit. Here's a mediocre attempt to take a picture of my 1-degree breath.

The second day of driving was beautiful, as it passed through southern Utah and northern Arizona, which is full of winding roads and awesome canyons. Google maps claimed the drive would take 9.5 hours, but I did it in 7. Suck it, Google maps!

Palm Coast, FL

On December 3 I flew from Boise to Florida for a Kokondo seminar in Palm coast. When I left Boise that morning, the temperature was 10 degrees Fahrenheit -- a perfect time to head to Florida! The seminar was a great time, as usual. We had a great turnout, and George has an awesome dojo space down there.

On Saturday, the kids broke boards at the end of their class, and then had all the black belts sign their boards. I felt like a rock star.

Boise, ID

On November 29 I drove from Walla Walla down to Boise, ID to spend a week with my friends Vince and Lisa. Being good friends, they provided me with lots of alcohol.

It was a great week; we spent the day doing kata in the living room and doing throws in the garage.

Note the beginnings of an epic beard.